You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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