Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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