Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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