The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I cut my penus on the lid.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
