How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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