I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
