dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
