I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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