Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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