I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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