dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
