I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
