Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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