yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
