so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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