i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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