In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
