I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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