I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
