he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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