its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
