You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
