I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
