Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize