He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
