That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
