i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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