My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
