i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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