Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
