look no pants
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
