I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
