You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
