it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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