genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Everything about him screamed your future.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
