New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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