I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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