I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
