I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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