i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
