I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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