I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
