Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize