I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yo dont text me then not text me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
