Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
