Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
