Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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