i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
