ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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