I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
