I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
