i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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