we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
