I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
