I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize