why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
