Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
