sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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