Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
