My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
