WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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