This is not my ceiling
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she peed on how many people?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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