I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
