you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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