I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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