I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
