Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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