do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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