he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
