when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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