No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
