Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
