Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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