Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
