Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
