Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
