So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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