He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
