You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
