Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
