youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
