Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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