Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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