i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have tasted many bathrooms
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
